please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
