Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
