Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
