I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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