I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
