we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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