I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
