She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
