Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
