lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
