She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
