I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
