Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've blown a few things in my day
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
