After last night, I could never be a politician.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
