So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
only if we run a train.
done.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
