How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
