Will you blow on my dice?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
