No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
