You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Be still, my beating vagina.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
