Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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