i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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