We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
