Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize