Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
