Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
