Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
