so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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