Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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