R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
