By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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