idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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