it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
