you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
