Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize