I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
