i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
