could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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