he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize