I wish my penis had an off switch
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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