your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
