he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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