I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
