So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize