she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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