Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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