New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
