You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
