So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
