It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
