Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
