sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
