I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
