yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
