I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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