Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize