i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
