So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
