Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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