my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
