I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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