so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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