i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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