My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
