when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
