She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
