I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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