I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
