i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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