Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
