dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The struggles of a small town man whore
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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