Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I met the friendliest cop last night
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
