This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
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