i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
