we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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