i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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