My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
