he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
