I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
