i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
