You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
