After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize