Your tits are I can't wait for
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
