You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
