Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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