God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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