Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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