He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He passed out mid-signature
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
