I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
