I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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