she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
