and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
