I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i now understand why vodka
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
