do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize