I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
